I Was Trying to Earn Love Instead of Experiencing It

I was trying to earn love instead of experiencing it.

I wanted people to like me, so I learned to please them. I thought that if I could be useful enough, impressive enough, or agreeable enough, maybe I would finally be worthy of being loved.

But eventually I realized I wasn’t only doing this with love.

I was doing it with almost everything I wanted.

We want wealth, a beautiful house, a nice car, recognition, success. There is nothing wrong with wanting these things. The problem begins when we become so focused on getting them that we stop experiencing the life we’re living while trying to get there.

I know this because I’ve done it.

I gave up socializing. I gave up having fun with friends and family. I kept looking toward what I could become instead of paying attention to what was already happening around me.

I thought I was sacrificing the present for a better future.

But there is something strange about the future: you never actually experience it.

When the future arrives, it becomes the present.

You can plan for tomorrow, work toward next year, or spend years building the life you want. But when you finally get there, you won’t suddenly enter some magical place called “the future.” You’ll still be standing in the present, just with different circumstances.

So if I spend my entire present sacrificing everything for that future, what happens when I finally reach it?

I might have the house.

I might have the car.

I might have the career.

I might have everything I once wanted.

But what if, along the way, I lost my relationships, my peace, my ability to have fun, and the people I wanted to share those things with?

Then what exactly was I building?

Maybe the things we sacrifice on the way to success aren’t obstacles to the life we want. Maybe they’re part of what makes that life worth wanting in the first place.

I still want a better life. I still want to achieve things. I don’t think the answer is to stop planning or stop striving.

I just don’t want to keep making my present the price of my future.

Because when that future finally comes, it will only be another present.

And I want to be there for it. But we can’t stop ourselves from living in nice house driving the latest car. When trying to get those things don’t get carried away and be unable to appreciate the present moment